Problems with Ideals
by Anria
Summary: Tohru tries to plan for Kyou's birthday, and Yuki punches a rather large hole in the middle of it.


Hullo! Random little Fruits Basket fic here for you, mostly because the idea wouldn't get out of my head until I wrote it. The idea's probably be done before (although I haven't come across any fics for it) but what the heck, here's my shot. ^_^ Enjoy! 

**Summary**: Tohru tries to plan for Kyou's birthday, and Yuki punches a rather large hole in the middle of it.  
**Warnings**: angst, hints of het (just because there are enough Yuki/Tohru hints to drown a horse, and because I _like_ Tohru, dammit!), spoilers (not major)  
**Pairings**: hints of Yuki/Tohru. Blink and you'll miss them.

**Problems with Ideals**  
**by Anria**

"Um. . . ."   
  
Yuki glanced up from his work and smiled at Tohru, who was standing nervously in the doorway. She was wearing her blue dress again, and Yuki privately thought it looked lovely on her. "Honda-san," he said, pleased both to see her and for a break from his never-ending schoolwork. "Won't you sit down?"   
  
Tohru gave him a grateful smile and shut the door behind her before walking to seat herself opposite him at his work table.   
  
"So, what brings you here, Honda-san?" Yuki asked her. It was always nice to see Tohru, but she usually wouldn't interrupt anyone's work without effusive apologies that weren't really necessary - because after all, who would pick schoolwork over Tohru? But anyway, to have her not only interrupting but without the apologies attached meant whatever she wanted to talk about had to be weighing fairly heavily on her.   
  
"Um," Tohru said. The grateful smile had vanished, replaced by an embarrassed flush as she cast her gaze downwards. "Um, well. . . ."   
  
Yuki couldn't help but widen his smile at her. Somehow she got more adorable when flustered. "I'm not going to bite, Honda-san."   
  
Tohru's head shot up, eyes wide, and then she glanced aside again. "Can I ask you for a favour, Yuki-kun?"   
  
The violet-eyed boy blinked. _It must be something serious,_ he thought. _Toh . . . Honda-san never asks for favours if she can avoid it._ It took less than a second to make his decision. "Of course you can," Yuki told her. "For you, it would be a pleasure."   
  
Tohru blushed furiously. There was a small part of Yuki's mind that he would never consciously acknowledge that absolutely _loved_ to make her do that.   
  
"Um . . . well . . . it'sKyou-kun'sbirthdaynextweek," she blurted out it a rush. "I was so worried because I didn't know what to get him so I thought I should just get him something he really wants so I asked him what he wanted most in this entire world and he said-"   
  
"-that it was beating me," Yuki finished for her, his good mood suddenly evaporating.   
  
"Yes! I mean, I'm sorry for asking you this, but if he could beat you just once then it would make him really really happy and it would be the perfect birthday gift for him and it only has to be the once because that would be enough-"   
  
"Honda-san!"   
  
Tohru shut her mouth with an audible 'snap!' and blushed again, fidgeting and staring at her lap in embarrassment. "S-sorry," she stammered out.   
  
Yuki sighed and passed a hand over his eyes. How exactly was he supposed to explain this to her?   
  
In the end he sighed again, and decided to start from the beginning. "Honda-san, it's a lovely idea," he assured her. He didn't want her to feel like she was an idiot for even thinking of it. "But it just wouldn't work."   
  
Tohru sat bolt upright, her blue eyes wide and earnest. Yuki felt old just looking at her sometimes. "But!-"   
  
"Honda-san," he interrupted, "would Kyou really want a victory that was gained by his opponent pitying him and allowing him to win?"   
  
The brunette girl deflated. "Oh," she said softly. "I didn't think about it like that."   
  
"However, that is not the only reason."   
  
He really dreaded continuing. At that point he could almost hate Tohru's innocent generosity that had landed him in this situation, although he could never really hate anything about Tohru. But it did leave him in a very awkward - and, more to the point, extremely painful - position.   
  
"That is not the only reason," he repeated, much softer. Then he sighed. "Honda-san, truthfully Kyou could quite probably beat me any time he wanted to."   
  
"Eh?!"   
  
Yuki held up a hand at Tohru's outburst. "I know it sounds ludicrous, but the thing is . . . he doesn't truly want to win."   
  
"But, Yuki-kun-"   
  
"May I explain?" he asked. Tohru's confused expression was all the answer he needed. "If Kyou were to win, he thinks he would become part of the Juunishi and part of the Sohma family in more than name, correct?"   
  
"Yes," she murmured.   
  
"Did it never strike you as strange that he is physically fitter than I am and ever will be, and has trained for far longer and with a far greater love of it than I, and yet I always beat him? I suppose he's told you that I go easy on him. The reason for that is that I have to. I _know_, from watching him fight Haru and Kazuma-dono, that he's a better fighter than I am. But whenever he fights me, he does not fight to his full potential. I have to go easy on him just so I don't end up seriously hurting him."   
  
Yuki abruptly felt restless and thrust himself to his feet, walking to the window. He could almost convince himself that it was a coincidence that Kyou happened to be outside practising at that very moment, and it reminded him of the truth of his words. It was obvious from watching him that he had the inherent grace of a cat, although Kyou himself could be clumsy on occasion. When it truly mattered, he would land on his feet - but only if he wanted to.   
  
"Do you really think that just because he beat me in one fight, hundreds of years of Sohma and Juunishi tradition would just go flying out of the window?"   
  
The bitterness in his voice shocked him a little, and at the same time it didn't. This subject was a gaping sore on his heart, a bleeding wound he knew would never heal.   
  
But then, neither would Kyou's.   
  
"In theory, if Kyou beat me he would get what he always wanted. The acceptance of the Sohmas. And also, in theory, I would be rejected. There can only ever be twelve Juunishi. If the outsider got in, somebody on the inside had to get out. And in theory, that would be all that I ever wanted."   
  
Yuki closed his eyes. It was fruitless defence against the bitterness welling up inside him, but he did it anyway.   
  
"If I was no longer part of the Sohma family, I would no longer be the praised and revered rat. I wouldn't have the pressure of generations resting on me, telling me that I had to be the best at everything. I wouldn't have to be 'Prince' Yuki. I could just . . . be _normal_. Actually _talk_ to people instead of just exchanging pleasantries with them. Be someone people wanted to be around because of who I am, not who they _think_ I am. If Kyou took my place in the Sohma family, he would have to deal with all of that, and in theory that's what he _wants_. In theory, we'd both get what we want."   
  
Still with his eyes closed, he could hear Tohru shift behind him, and could almost _feel_ her opening her mouth to protest. Tohru wasn't stupid, far from it, but she was more than a little naïve at times. So he cut her off before she could say anything.   
  
"Except it wouldn't work like that."   
  
"Why not?!"   
  
Yuki spun around, alarmed at the distressed tone in Tohru's voice. The blue-eyed girl sat with her hands balled into fists, gripping the fabric of her dress tightly. She wasn't crying - yet - but the tears sat plainly in her beautiful, guileless eyes.   
  
"Honda-san, are you all right?" he asked her, dropping to his knees next to her. She stared straight at her lap, not looking at him as she replied.   
  
"If . . . if it would give you both what you wanted, why can it not work?" she said, then swiped angrily at a tear rolling down her cheek. "You . . . you sound so sad, and so _angry_. . . ."   
  
"Honda-san. . . . It's complicated, and it's outside our control. The Sohmas will never accept Kyou, no matter what he does," he told her. "To those who know about the curse, he will always be 'The Cat'. To those who don't, they see that Akito shuns him and despises him for his very existence, and they do the same so as not to anger the Head of the family. Even if Kyou beat me in a fight, he would never be accepted into the Juunishi - just as I will never be able to leave it. We are stuck with our roles for the rest of our lives, but that doesn't stop us from fighting as though one day we will be able to change it."   
  
Yuki watched as Tohru's shaking increased, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around her and tell her it was all right and completely unable to do so. He'd learned to live with his situation a long time ago. Badly, but he could live with it. But. . . . "Honda-san," he said helplessly. "I'm sorry to have upset you. I didn't mean to, I just wanted to explain. . . ."   
  
"But. . . . But Kyou-kun. . . . He couldn't hide it if - if he didn't really want to beat you," Tohru said. She looked up at Yuki, eyes shining with tears. "He couldn't, right? I know I don't always pick up on things too quickly, but he gets so passionate about it. . . ."   
  
"I don't think he's let himself realise it consciously yet," Yuki said. "He definitely knows on some level. Whether he admits he knows is something else entirely. He's too . . . too guileless." _And that's another thing I envy him for,_ he thought privately. Kyou had so much he wanted . . . and the fool wanted what he didn't.   
  
The two sat in silence for a while, watching the golden sunlight gradually move across the floor through the open window. The sound of Kyou practising drifted in from outside, mingling with Tohru's occasional hiccups as she tried to control her tears.   
  
"I'm sorry, Honda-san," Yuki whispered after a long time had passed. "It was a lovely thought, but it would not be what either of us truly wanted."   
  
Tohru sniffed and jumped to her feet, plastering on her 'everything is fine' smile even though there were tear tracks on her cheeks and still more glistened in her eyes. "It's okay," she told him. "I'll just have to think harder about what to get Kyou-kun for his birthday!" And before Yuki could say anything, she was out of the door and moving away down the hall.   
  
Yuki slowly turned and stared at his room. All of a sudden it felt much larger, more oppressive, even the sunlight pouring over the floor seeming alien.   
  
"I'm sorry," he whispered into the empty stillness, not even sure who he was saying it to. "I'm sorry." 

**[Owari]**

So, good? Bad? So terrible you want to claw your eyes out? Tell me, pretty please! ^_^


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